Table Talk With Mascot Pierre The Pelican
By Rob Clement
Ever wonder what a mascot is thinking? I mean, they can’t talk, but obviously they have thoughts, and they surely have to eat. Right?
That’s why I took to Twitter to reach out to the mascot of the New Orleans Pelicans. None other than Pierre the Pelican. At least a more vulgar and frankly hilarious parody version of the Pelicans mascot. For those of you who don’t know, this mascot is new to the NBA with the team recently changing its name and logo.
Even more new is the look that Pierre shows off at Pelicans events. Before a recent “beak surgery” he was pretty creepy. To me, the previous look was reminiscent of a mix between Stephen King’s Pennywise the Clown from the movie version of IT and the character Lovelace from Happy Feet.
Interestingly enough, I found this GIF on LobShots.com, by @NickPage that proves other people agree…
But I digress.
The point is, Pierre looks much more kid-friendly these days. Anyway, I spoke with the Pierre Twitter account which lacks a blue check mark, and was able to get a pretty funny version of our question & answer series Table Talk With FoodSided. Please, enjoy!
(please note, this was all done via email, so there isn’t much flow to the conversation)
What made you get a beak job? Was it something the organization pressured you into?
The Pelicans knew I would never agree to cosmetic surgery, but when they told me that my new beak would be able to fit TWICE the amount of kids, I knew I had to do it.
What were the best and worst moments of your surgery?
The worst was definitely the facelift they decided to give me. I look like Toucan Sam had a baby with Mr. T! But on the plus side, I got to eat one of the anesthesiologist who wondered too close to me.
The first, and best Pierre!
Explain in 10 words or less what makes you the best mascot on earth.
I’m the only mascot who shows up drunk to work.
What is your favorite food?
I’m what you would call a foodie. Nothing beats a virgin female sprinkled with a touch of holy water, and a side of freshly picked human intestines.
Being in NOLA, have you ever met celebrity chefs like Emeril or John Besh? If so, what are they like?
I met Emeril last week. He’s not the nicest chef in the world, he yelled at one of the cooks working for him, “you used so much oil, that the U.S. is trying to invade our kitchen”.
How did you feel when Mike, the LSU mascot was asked to be on Top Chef and you were not?
I didn’t feel too bad. Mike needed something positive in his life after he got purchased by Mike Tyson.
Have you ever considered growing a unibrow in support of Anthony Davis?
No, but I will threaten to pluck his unibrow off his face using only my beak if he doesn’t make all defensive first team.
Is there anything you would like to say to any of your supporters and/or haters?
To my haters I say Shut the Flock UP. And my supporters have been wonderful, you can find me on twitter at @PelicanPierre
Tabasco or Crystal?
That’s tough, I sometimes sprinkle Tabasco sauce on my crystal meth.
Po’ Boy or Muffaletta?
I have always been partial to things that have “muff” in it.
What is your favorite part of Mardi Gras?
Definitely partying with King Cake Baby. He has an unlimited supply of beads and drugs.
If you had to pick a last meal, what would it be and who would you eat it with?
That’s one and the same. I would eat Zach Lowe but I would want him prepared by Bobby Flay, that man knows how to prepare meat!