Waffle House is Open on Christmas and Nothing Else Matters

It’s Christmas, and you’re looking to grab a bite outside the house. Where to go? Daypart be damned thanks to being open 24 hours, Waffle House comes to the rescue. Whether you’re looking for post-Christmas Eve 2 am munchies to quash the effects of revelry from mere hours earlier or a hearty breakfast after everyone has opened their gifts or even a late dinner after a day of festivity and football, Waffle House is the place for you.

Better yet, not only can you enjoy a holiday meal, but you’ll feel like you’re at home with family thanks to servers who’ll inevitably be calling you “sweetie,” “honey,” “baby,” or “sugar” just like grandma would. To be fair, unless cosplay is her thing, grandma wouldn’t likely be donning a name tag bearing the length of her service, but that doesn’t preclude her from reminding you how long she’s been making a given dish or reminding you about the olden days of preparing Christmas dinner sans electricity or modern conveniences that your spoiled generation takes for granted. In the end, Waffle House servers and your grandmother may have more in common than you care to believe.

Speaking of grandma, we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and posit that she doesn’t stand in the dining room and holler food requests back to willing helpers in the kitchen. Only that charming mood-setter can be found at Waffle House, which means a quiet Christmas meal isn’t on the docket if that’s what you’re also seeking. Another pitfall to the elevated decibels is that everyone else in the restaurant is gonna know your dining business, i.e., what you’re looking to shovel down your gullet.

Before we genuflect about Waffle House’s eponymous feature item when discussing the aforementioned gluttony, let’s talk about their hashbrowns. If you’re a purist like me, you go for the tasty side unadorned, but anecdotally, I’m comfortable suggesting that I’m in the minority on that front. Instead, you can dress your own hashbrowns up in their holiday finest, including what’s called “Scattered, Smothered & Covered.” That’s right, for just 255 calories, you can enjoy Waffle House’s World Famous Golden Delicious Hashbrowns “smothered” in grilled onions and “covered” with a slice of melty American cheese. I’m guessing the “scattered” describes the haphazard, short-order cook-esque plating of the dish.

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If “Scattered, Smothered & Covered” doesn’t satisfy your yen for culinary excess, fear not! Waffle House also invites you to go all-the-way…with their hashbrowns. Get your minds out of the gutter, especially in a setting that often bears the sticky remnants of maple syrup on its menus, counters, silverware, and even salt shakers. But I digress. Ordering the chain’s hashbrowns all-the-way will result in you gawking at a 520 calorie plateful of hashbrowns with grilled onions, melted American cheese, hickory-smoked ham, diced tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, and grilled mushrooms, all of which is then topped with Bert’s Chili AND sausage gravy. Excuse me for a moment while I take leave of my keyboard to pop an antacid from simply detailing that dish.

Despite the assorted iterations of Waffle House’s hashbrown preparations, waffles are king under the bright yellow roof. Whether as a standalone meal in the form of a classic waffle or dressing it up with pecans, chocolate chips, or peanut butter chips, waffles are the sun around which the rest of the menu items should rotate. You can even leave the meal construction to Waffle House and simply order “All-Star Special: The Greatest of All Time,” though I’m loathe to endorse that self-promotion. Is the All-Star Special good, you’re damn right it is, but I’ve yet to think of Waffle House in any context when pondering the title “The Greatest of All Time.”

Self-delusions aside, the All-Star Special could very likely fit the bill for you on Christmas regardless of whether you’re dining at 4 am, 11 am, 5 pm, or 9 pm that day. Waffle House will serve you up two scrambled eggs, toast & jelly, your choice of grits, hashbrowns or sliced tomatoes, a waffle, and your choice of bacon, sausage, or city ham. If that’s not a feast for the ages, I don’t know what is. AND you can even gussy up your own personal All-Star Special, adding cheese to your eggs, previously mentioned toppings to your hashbrowns and/or waffle, and even subbing in raisin toast or a biscuit if you really want to splurge. Waffle House’s menu is your canvas. Do with it as you wish, but remember, everything’s sticky, so bring wet naps.

Are you team plain with your hashbrowns or team toppings? Do you prefer a plain waffle or a flavored one?